Blessed Be the Tie that Binds

Mothers have a special connection with their children. Not that fathers don't, but a mother's bond is unique. A little baby grows inside your body, right there under your heart. When that baby is born, as he exits your body, he imperceptibly takes a piece of your heart with him. Almost like a phantom pain, your body still recognizes this piece that is missing. As a result, when your child is in pain, your heart actually feels it, too. A mother can physically feel her heart breaking with and for her child.

Right now, I know a mother whose heart is breaking. She just lost her oldest child to a rare brain tumor. He turned 4 the day before he died. This mother is a sister to my friend Sarah-Jane. Sarah-Jane is Bella's mother, and Bella is one of Carter's favorite friends. I've probably met Sarah-Jane's sister but she doesn't know me. I've read her blog www.prayforjoseph.blogspot.com regularly to keep track of Joe's progress. I have found strength in her faith and despaired with her in her anguish. Yet no matter how keen my powers of empathy may be, I can't fathom her pain. From reading her blog, little Joe reminded me so much of my own boys: strong willed, active, and smart. Maybe it was Joe's love for the movie Cars that really drew me in. Carter watched the movie a hundred times and had all the toys, too. Maybe it was the joy Joe displayed through these 8 1/2 months, enduring surgeries, treatments, scans, medicines, IVs and hospital stays. But most likely it is the invisible ties that bind us together as the family of God.

Her blog received over 250 comments yesterday. Messages of sympathy and love flooded in. Joe's story had a wide impact. There were many people who didn't know the family at all, just came across the blog and followed it. She has a map on her page that shows where the people who look at it are from. Literally, around the world, people were watching and praying.

So today, I'm not going to worry about the toys all over the floor, the play dough that is at this minute being smashed into the floor boards, the dirty dishes and stained clothes. Today Carter, Will, Nathan, and I are going to play. We're going to get our hearts beating with laughter and singing. Those little phantom pieces don't just work in times of sorrow, a mother also feels her children's joy.

The Moment of Truth

The day has finally arrived. It's the day I've been dreading all summer long. Carter walked up the street to his first day of Kindergarten this morning. He didn't seem a bit nervous until we found his seat. He sat there quietly. Suddenly he didn't look so big any more. He seemed really small.

These sort of changes wouldn't be so hard if I knew what it would be like once we settled into the routine. The uncertainty of the new makes me nervous. My cousin used to say that she dreaded the start of the new school year and she looked forward to a couple of weeks later when everything that is new becomes routine. I wonder what this new life is going to be like. What's Carter's teacher like? How much homework does a Kindergartener have? Is the cafeteria food any good?

Carter is very excited about Kindergarten, though. He eagerly anticipates everything he's going to learn. He told me one day that he can't wait to come home and teach Will everything he's learned. A few days later, impressed that I knew some bit of knowledge he said "Mama, you know a lot. When I go to kindergarten, I'll teach you everything I learn and then you'll be really smart." I agreed. I can't wait for him to teach me everything he learns.

I've been trying to remember what it's like to have just one little one around the house all day. I purposefully focused on the positives. I do remember how much easier it is to go to the grocery and run errands. Fixing lunch will be somewhat simpler. But even with the simplification it brings, I can't help but think it's the complicated entanglements that makes life so interesting.

When we brought Carter home from the hospital, he was so huge for a newborn. He cried so loudly. He wanted to eat constantly and never wanted to sleep. I was so happy to have my mother and mother-in-law around because I lacked any real experience with babies. Then one day, they all left. Nathan went to work. I was terrified. I had no idea what to do with this baby all by myself. It's funny now since I don't know what to do without him.

I'm sure Will and I will figure it out. As you can tell, he's not suffering. I get the idea being the only child around during the day suits him just fine. (Oh! The day is almost half over already!)