Single Mom Superhero Nightmare

This week my very helpful husband has been out of the country on a mission trip with our church. I knew that it would be a challenge for me to keep up with our two boys all by myself. I am well aware how much work they actually require. I am equally aware of how much my husband chips in with these thousands of tasks every day - from endlessly supplying them food to fuel their seemingly unlimited cache of energy to brushing their 40 little teeth. Personally, I am always exhausted by their bedtime needs. I just want to tuck them in, say prayers, and say good-night. My mother says that is what I was like as a child, so I suppose it's carried over into my adulthood. Will is kind of like that. He is happy to get in his bed and satisfied with a prayer and maybe a short book. He might even want to look at the book by himself. This week, Will surprised me by saying, "Turn off light, please" as soon as he got in his bed. I found that quality endearing. Carter, on the other hand, is more labor intensive. He wants to read books and look at pictures and hug and cuddle and pray. But, a mother has to draw the line somewhere. One book, one prayer, one hug, and then lights out. Don't I sound so strong and in control?? Well, don't believe it. I really feel guilty for not giving Carter all the hugs and stories he wants.

Going in to this week, I was dreading it. It is the first time Nathan has left on a trip and I've had no help for most of the week. Usually, I finagle people to come over and help out for all but two nights. Grandparents, cousins, aunts, friends, anyone who will be kind enough to spend the night, eat a meal, or change a diaper received the pitiful plea. However, this time, I just didn't do it. My mother was not feeling well, and I surely didn't want her to travel up. My cousin was busy with work. Everyone was busy. Honestly, I wanted to try to go it alone; be a single mom for the week and test my mettle. I thought with Carter in school all day and Will having one day at school right in the middle was going to make this a successful foray into my stint as Wonder Woman. Still, I'm not insane, I did book my in-laws for the next to the last night, for Will to sleep over and then all of us for the last night. It was completely necessary for me to have care for Will on the last day because I had a check-up scheduled and Will really hates doctors.

I have to say this little experiment has taught me many things. For one, I was very organized. I planned the week's meals all in advance. I consulted the weather for the week and laid out Carter's clothes for the whole week. We all ate together at the table every night. We ate vegetables. We did homework. We played. I managed to get the house in order. The one thing I didn't do a lot of was sleep. I was so consumed by my many tasks I found that I couldn't sleep well at night. Of course, I had an abiding desire to go to bed early. Every night my eyes would barely stay open long enough to get the children in bed. It is likely this unrelenting urge that caused me to dread getting Carter all squared away. I just wanted it to be over so I could sleep.

By last night, I felt I was likely dancing with fate. Something dark loomed on my horizon. I couldn't quite make out what this ominous feeling meant, but it lingered in my mind. As we baked cookies for Carter's class Valentine party, my head irritated a bit, my eyes burned, and my back ached. As soon as possible, which was about 11 o'clock, I sank into my pillow lifeless and happy. Again, I didn't sleep well. I awoke repeatedly to check the time. I finally rose at 6:40 to get on with my last day of superhero work. Carter got off to school just fine. I went to my doctor's appointment and that is when it started. By it I mean my nervous breakdown. After the easy and uncomplicated visit, I broke down crying. I sat in my Van of Solitude and tried to get a grip. I kept wondering why I was so emotional. What was wrong? What is going on? I calmed down at last and got my lunch. Then, I walked up to Carter's Valentine party and helped out some. I was so tired on the way home, I could almost feel the coolness of the pillow on my cheek. I lay down, thinking I'd never be able to sleep because I do not nap easily during the day.

The next thing I knew my eyes opened and I looked at my watch. 3:28! WHAT?! I don't remember putting on my shoes or coat. The next thing I remember was that I was running and I was at the end of our block. I crossed in traffic - which I never do during school hours. I ran faster. I saw there were no parents cars on the street, no kids milling about by the side door. I checked my watch again. Was it really 3:30? Maybe it was just 2:30 and I really had 30 more minutes. No, 3:30 flashed in my face? Is it not 4:30 and I'm an hour late? There are no cars, no kids! My brain was still half asleep, I was confused, and I was so scared. I turned the corner of the back of the building and there were no cars in the usually eternal car line. I ran faster. How did it get so deserted in 15 minutes?? Where was everyone? As I came into view of the back door where I pick up Carter, there he stood, the only child left, between two teachers. He yelled "there she is!" ran to me. I apologized to the teachers and they smiled and waved it off. I explained in a word that I feel asleep. They just laughed. Then I really broke down. I just started crying and I couldn't stop. It was like a nightmare. The deserted school, the running, the tight feeling in my chest. I couldn't believe that it was real.

The boys have been so good all week long. They really haven't given me any trouble. Carter has been especially helpful and sweet. And here is where it really shown. He looked at me crying and said "It's okay mama. It's okay. I wasn't scared." He seemed no less worse for the wear. In fact, he was just as buoyant as ever. He chatted on as we walked and I tried to see between my tears. He's a tough kid. Seriously, though, can someone tell me how that school was cleared out in 15 minutes? FIFTEEN.

So, here's to single moms. How you can do it alone I will never know. My hat is off to you.