Adopt, Adopting, Adopted

It seems everywhere I turn these days, I am confronted with adoption. In fact, I kind of feel a little left out because we haven't adopted a child or going through the process of adopting. Our church in particular has many families who have and are adopting children from all over the world! It's really pretty exciting. And following these friends through their journeys is so remarkable and convicting.

In Ephesians 1, Paul tells us "In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will—" So, much like a wedding is the picture of Christ and His church, adopting a child represents how we become God's children. I see all the beautiful faces of these children all over our church and am overwhelmed by the fact that I was in an orphanage and God sought me and purchased me and made me his daughter, just like little Maddie Rae from China or Robert from Russia or Amani from Africa and the many other children running around the narthax of the Church. I know where these kids were and I see them now, glowing from the love of their families. I'm glad God took me in, and gives me the warmth of his love. To be called to adopt a child is no easy path, but surely a highly rewarding one.

I'd like to introduce you to the some of our friends: Mike and Raegan and Kevin and Julie. Both of these families from our church are adopting children from Africa. Raegan and Julie are such sweet girls and so funny. You'll enjoy learning about their new families. Julie's website might be privatized for security reasons, but if you'd like to read some wonderful insight through her journey, I would be happy to ask permission for you to read it. Another family we've known for years adopted a little girl while they were living in China, and they are now back stateside: The Kelleys . Reading about their process was my first time realizing how you can't just go over there, pick out a baby you like, and then bring 'em on home. It's a long, detailed process. Celebrities make it look easy. It's not.

Besides these friends, I have been reading a blog It's Almost Nap Time written by a woman in Texas who is also in the process of adopting children. She's fun and honest and understands her calling.

If you asked me last February, I would have said "I think we are maybe called to adopt a child." When Nathan and I were first engaged, he said he was open to adopting children of any race or ethnicity. So, that idea has always been in the back of my mind. After experiencng a horrible miscarriage in late January, I convinced myself that God was dramatically showing us our path was to adopt. I didn't think our family was complete, yet. And then, through some rather strange and humorous circumstances, I found out I was pregant just a month later with our sweet Baby Petite Princess. I was so confused and scared this time around. I wondered why God would keep my head spinning in such a way. So, now if you ask me, I'd say I don't think our family is called to adopt at this time, but maybe to use our resources and abilities to help those who are adopting. Now, of course, that may all change because God seems to like to play it close to the vest with us. He knows my husband flies by the seat of his pants quite frequently and adeptly, so long range planning might not be our forte.

I encourage you to support those you may know who are adopting in any way you can. After all, they are beautifully carrying out the gospel love that has been shown to them. In truth, I've been around these church family adoptions my whole life. My dad has been the attorney for at least 6 adoptions in the small church I grew up in. I am proud that the church we attend and the one I grew up in fills their pews with children who have been grafted in to physical families, spiritual families from all over the world!

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27

Conversations with Kids (The First of the Series)

While I was changing Arabella's diaper, Will wandered in and asked,"Mama, who do you love bester?" Now I had a split second to make my decision. I could go with the truth, I love each of my children the same. I could never pick between them. OR, I could go with what Nathan's parents did. See, they told each of the boys that they loved that particular one the best, "but don't tell the others!!" Nathan believed them for a long time. He had to feel wonderful know he was their favorite. That is until he decided he would destroy his superior older brothers by breaking the news to them that he was their parents' favorite child. They laughed at him and said "Nate, they tell all of us that!" But for all that time, he believed it. I am an only child and I'm pretty sure I was my parents' favorite and I have to say that is probably the best thing about being an only child. You know your parents adore you and think you are something pretty special. I also thought if the kid catches on, it's kind of a fun little joke.

Well for better or for worse, I chose the latter.

"Well, you know, I love you bester, but you can't tell! It's just a secret between us two." My little sunshine angel smiled his winning grin and said, 'Okay."

As I wrapped up the diaper change, I decided to ask him who he loved bester. Okay, I know it was a self-serving attempt to get him to declare me his favorite...because let's face it, my boys are mama's boys.
"Well, Will, tell me who you love bester." I smiled down on him beaming with motherly love.
"Oh I love Papa bester. And I like him. I love him and I like him. I just love Papa."

Curses, foiled again.

Love and Chastening and lots of Ridiculousness

It was bound to happen at some point. There is none righteous - no, not one. Carter got a reteach at school. Yes, I know the name "reteach" is ridiculous. I am not a politically correct type and I think many times, you can call it whatever you like, everyone knows what it really is. So, Carter was given a reteach and had to sit out of part of recess. That really wouldn't have been so horrible by itself, but he tried to hide it from me. Well, of course he did. He'd never had one before, he was worried we'd be angry with him, he'd get more punishment, and probably worst, we'd be disappointed because he'd never had one before. So, we had a "discussion" instructing him to not hide these things any more.

Honestly, I didn't think it would be a problem again. I thought for sure he probably wouldn't get another reteach, at least this year. Except he has not particularly enjoyed the first grade even though he has made some great friends. He is no longer the sweet boy all the girls befriend but instead hangs in the middle of all the rough-and-tumble boys. And recently he has complained about how much he dislikes school. It's easy to see he's tired and ready for some respite. We all are. And really, First Grade is ridiculous. Seriously. The kid can have up to THREE TESTS on Fridays. Reading skills tests, math tests, and spelling tests seem like the SAT at this point. He really dreads Fridays.

On top of all this homework ridiculousness is the room environment. On a normal day, the temperature in that room is 212 degrees. That's right friends, it's boiling in there. The whole school is going through renovation and that seems to affect their ability to cool down that one room in particular. I visited there when I was pregnant with Arabella for the Halloween party - I nearly passed out. That is no exaggeration. I had to leave the room. When I returned, I boldly opened the door and said if the other classrooms had a problem with it, they could speak to me because the temperature was, well, ridiculous. How are these poor kids supposed to function when sweat is dripping off their noses on to their papers? And when we tried to open the windows, they wouldn't budge. So, not even a breeze.

So, I have a child with little reason to be excited about going to school. It really shouldn't be a surprise he was RETAUGHT two days later. But what did surprise me was that he tried to hide it again! I can tell you are just as shocked as I was. I just stared at him like "are you stupid?" I managed to not say it but I really did think it. That meant I had to tell his dad. And that went over like a lead balloon. Carter received a boom lowering. Well, it's not that bad of a sentence but he acts like he's on death row. He says things like "I wish I could play some Wii." Or, "can I have one of those brownies?" I finally asked "Whose fault is it that you can't play Wii or have a dessert for the next three days?" And this child had the audacity to sort of shrug and sigh "nobody's."

I felt this sharp pain shoot through my head as it began to split open. Searing lasers streamed from my eyes, and fire lapped out my nostrils. I managed to not kill him. I asked him "Really? You really think it's nobody's fault?" Some sort of recognition hit him; he realized that he had given the wrong answer but it was abundantly clear from the remaining confusion on his face that he did not understand how that answer was wrong. I decided to be a loving mother and say "it's your fault. You DO understand that, right." His eyes fell and he mumbled "Yes ma'am. I understand that."

The Bible tells us in Hebrews. "For whom the Lord loves he chastens, and whips every son whom he receives." Ouch. It sounds like either tough love or a contradiction. But really, it's not. If I didn't love my son, I'd just let him take the path he is on and we'd see where that takes him. Likely, it would be to his own destruction. I've known kids who weren't loved like that, their parents thought discipline was damaging and now, well, let's just say those kids aren't exactly contributing to society in a positive way. So, even though I hate punishing him and I want to believe it's all just a big misunderstanding, the proof is before me. He's wicked. He needs to learn there are consequences. He needs to know I love him enough to make him feel a little uncomfortable now to avoid a life full of ruin.

The most humbling part of all of this is the fact that it illuminates all the same wickedness in me. Luckily, my mother is around with her switch to "love" me.

*Carter was caught two more times over the weekend exhibiting unacceptable behavior and punished accordingly. This parenting thing is not for the weak.*