Blessed Be the Tie that Binds

Mothers have a special connection with their children. Not that fathers don't, but a mother's bond is unique. A little baby grows inside your body, right there under your heart. When that baby is born, as he exits your body, he imperceptibly takes a piece of your heart with him. Almost like a phantom pain, your body still recognizes this piece that is missing. As a result, when your child is in pain, your heart actually feels it, too. A mother can physically feel her heart breaking with and for her child.

Right now, I know a mother whose heart is breaking. She just lost her oldest child to a rare brain tumor. He turned 4 the day before he died. This mother is a sister to my friend Sarah-Jane. Sarah-Jane is Bella's mother, and Bella is one of Carter's favorite friends. I've probably met Sarah-Jane's sister but she doesn't know me. I've read her blog www.prayforjoseph.blogspot.com regularly to keep track of Joe's progress. I have found strength in her faith and despaired with her in her anguish. Yet no matter how keen my powers of empathy may be, I can't fathom her pain. From reading her blog, little Joe reminded me so much of my own boys: strong willed, active, and smart. Maybe it was Joe's love for the movie Cars that really drew me in. Carter watched the movie a hundred times and had all the toys, too. Maybe it was the joy Joe displayed through these 8 1/2 months, enduring surgeries, treatments, scans, medicines, IVs and hospital stays. But most likely it is the invisible ties that bind us together as the family of God.

Her blog received over 250 comments yesterday. Messages of sympathy and love flooded in. Joe's story had a wide impact. There were many people who didn't know the family at all, just came across the blog and followed it. She has a map on her page that shows where the people who look at it are from. Literally, around the world, people were watching and praying.

So today, I'm not going to worry about the toys all over the floor, the play dough that is at this minute being smashed into the floor boards, the dirty dishes and stained clothes. Today Carter, Will, Nathan, and I are going to play. We're going to get our hearts beating with laughter and singing. Those little phantom pieces don't just work in times of sorrow, a mother also feels her children's joy.

The Moment of Truth

The day has finally arrived. It's the day I've been dreading all summer long. Carter walked up the street to his first day of Kindergarten this morning. He didn't seem a bit nervous until we found his seat. He sat there quietly. Suddenly he didn't look so big any more. He seemed really small.

These sort of changes wouldn't be so hard if I knew what it would be like once we settled into the routine. The uncertainty of the new makes me nervous. My cousin used to say that she dreaded the start of the new school year and she looked forward to a couple of weeks later when everything that is new becomes routine. I wonder what this new life is going to be like. What's Carter's teacher like? How much homework does a Kindergartener have? Is the cafeteria food any good?

Carter is very excited about Kindergarten, though. He eagerly anticipates everything he's going to learn. He told me one day that he can't wait to come home and teach Will everything he's learned. A few days later, impressed that I knew some bit of knowledge he said "Mama, you know a lot. When I go to kindergarten, I'll teach you everything I learn and then you'll be really smart." I agreed. I can't wait for him to teach me everything he learns.

I've been trying to remember what it's like to have just one little one around the house all day. I purposefully focused on the positives. I do remember how much easier it is to go to the grocery and run errands. Fixing lunch will be somewhat simpler. But even with the simplification it brings, I can't help but think it's the complicated entanglements that makes life so interesting.

When we brought Carter home from the hospital, he was so huge for a newborn. He cried so loudly. He wanted to eat constantly and never wanted to sleep. I was so happy to have my mother and mother-in-law around because I lacked any real experience with babies. Then one day, they all left. Nathan went to work. I was terrified. I had no idea what to do with this baby all by myself. It's funny now since I don't know what to do without him.

I'm sure Will and I will figure it out. As you can tell, he's not suffering. I get the idea being the only child around during the day suits him just fine. (Oh! The day is almost half over already!)

Birthdays

We are still celebrating Will's 2nd birthday which conveniently coincides with Nathan's 31st birthday. I think 2nd birthdays are my favorite. Will was just old enough to realize that it was a party but still too young to have expectations. Both added a digit to their tally on Sunday, July 27th. However, we had a birthday gathering for them on Friday. I have a strict rule that each child gets to have big odd numbered birthdays and even numbered birthdays are spent with discretion. Here's how strict I am: last year, when Carter turned 4, he got to invite one friend and his local cousins over for some cake and ice cream. No big deal. But you can't have 4 kids over and not have anything for them to do. So I turned to Nathan's brother who in turn transported two ponies to our house and gave everyone pony rides up and down the street. That was a low-key birthday at our house.

This year was no exception. Instead of just inviting over the local family for cupcakes and ice cream, we ended up with a full blown cook out. I insisted to my mother that even birthdays are small. She insisted to me that she would turn me in to social services with cold, hard evidence of my incompetence if I didn't "do something for that baby's birthday!" I repsonded "that's great for Nathan but what about Will?" Silence. She never has really appreciated my humor. I did, however, agree to have a "small gathering for local family." Mimi and Papa would be in town already. Mimi and Doc were free and could bring along cousins Grayson and Lane who were visiting them. Nathan's brother could pop in with his friend. Laid back. Casual. No stress.

That's when I decided I did, in fact, need more stress. I should make Will an Elmo cake. He really does like Elmo, so he should be pretty excited about it and it couldn't be that hard, right? Well, Ben Gates in National Treasure 1 and 2 did not have so much trouble as I did tracking down the Elmo cake pan that floats around the population of moms in our church. After 6 phone calls, two emails, and a wild goose chase, I finally pinned it down after holding a dollar bill in the sun, under a prism, and reading the secret message written in Dutch.

As I read the directions to bake and decorate Elmo, I started to feel like Nathan was getting left out. It was his birthday first. I should do something to equally and individually recognize him. I really didn't think another cake was going to work out because, well, it was a small gathering and we couldn't eat 2 cakes. He has always liked ice cream cakes and I figured I could just make one - minus more cake. I'm educated, I know how to Google, and seriously what's the worst that could happen? The worst that could happen is that your freezer is so stuffed with Kroger frozen vegetables that were on sale last week that you can't get the ice cream cake in the freezer to freeze into cake form. I had to do a lot of Japanese style folding of items to fit everything in, but the good news is the kids love brussel sprouts that resemble cranes flapping their wings.

Our little gathering was really starting to take shape. I learned from Ronald Reagan and my husband that delegation is essential. Let people do what they do best and don't micromanage. I delegated grilling hamburgers to one Mimi, potato salad to the other Mimi. I had Nathan making fruit salad and preparing hamburger toppings. Doc was helping out with side dishes. That left me free to do face painting! Yes, I said face painting. I didn't have ponies though!

Everything turned out great! Well, except that Will was slightly disturbed by a large, decapitated Elmo head on a platter. Cousin Lane declared it was the best birthday party he's ever been to. I don't think that was necessarily true, but when a 4 year old is having enough fun to comment on it, it makes this mom feel pretty accomplished.