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Sometimes, I feel my emotions run the gamut in just a few hours. Maybe a few minutes. I think my housemates must think I've lost my mind. Rather, I used to think these things until today. Today it became crystal clear why my personality is sometimes all over the place. I was feeling happy and content because I was able to start off the day early by accomplishing some chores. A couple loads of laundry and finally getting all the dishes washed - even the big crystal salad bowl that sat at the end of the counter for a week patiently waiting it's turn in the soapy water. It always seemed there was something more critical to do. But not this morning. I was becoming giddy as I neared a kitchen with all clean dishes. Usually, Will tries to insinuate himself between me and the counter, whining and crying "mom-mom." But this time, he and Carter were off playing together and I just couldn't believe my fortune: thirty minutes of solid productivity!
Studying literature should tell you that, as the reader, you should start to look for the dark cloud on the horizon. For, as I wiped down the counters, I heard a wooden ball descend the staircase, a harbinger bouncing step by step into my world of peace. I heaved a sigh of irritation as I have told Carter and Will not to perform such experiments. Doesn't anyone listen to me? Don't I have a voice? I marched over to the bottom of the stair where I peered up and found a sweet looking pair smiling with delight. I reminded them that they shouldn't push toys down the stairs, nor leave any there - it's very dangerous. Will became excited and held his arms up, asking me to come get him. As I ascended the stairs, the whole scene unfolded like a cleverly written mystery novel. I didn't put all the clues together before the exciting denouement. There, parading from the guest room closet, was a string of toys, toy bins, cookie cutters, matchbox cars, and so forth. Had I not just completely cleaned every dish in the kitchen, I think I would have been angry. However, the residue of contentment lingered and I could only utter, "You better put all of these back before your daddy gets here for lunch." Here was my 4 year old's reply, "I didn't do it. Will did ALL this." Remember that residue? It was gone. I explained that I did not believe him, that Will could not get all the toys out by himself. Carter protested a little but decided that, even if what he was saying was true, he wasn't going to find any sympathizers. I turned and went back to the haven of my kitchen, trying to forget what I'd seen and heard. It's the only way to keep all my personalities fused.
I have been feeling voiceless, lately. It seems to me that what I say goes unheard by all the members of this house. I felt pretty sorry for myself until I saw little Will trying to tell me what he wanted this afternoon with his limited vocabulary. How frustrating to know what you want, to understand what other say to you, but no be able to communicate in response. He has many more words than Carter did at this age, and he loves to call all manner of things "Dawg." He uses his signs, "more" and "please." But, he sees the alacrity the others move through this world, how his older brother manages to get drinks and snacks with just using words and he must lead me into the kitchen and point into the pantry. "Would you like something to eat, Will?" He rubs his belly - "please." And while I can appreciate the sophistication of that kind of communication for my sweet little 18 month old, today, I couldn't help but appreciate his exasperation of his current situation. This whole world is big, confusing, fast, dangerous, intriguing, cold, hot, smelly, salty, sweet, different. How is he ever going to catch up? Why can't everyone figure out what he needs and wants? It is overwhelming to think about how children take in, process, and internalize information. It is nothing short of a miracle!
So, with that in mind, I will not mention the entire bowl of cereal overturned in the living room, the unfortunate vomiting incident, and the wrestling match which all took place before lunch. We'll just chalk them up to learning experiences.
P.S. I had a wonderful birthday! Carter gave me a card he made all by himself that was covered in "X" and "O". As he gave it to me, he said, "It's what you said you wanted." Then he fulfilled each one. _And_ he referred to me as the birthday girl for two days. My wonderful parents recounted for the umpteenth time what it was like that cold, snowy day I was born, and then took me out for bison burgers in the middle of a UK basketball game! UK won! And every gift from Nathan is like winning the lottery - you can either take the gift or the cash option. It's up to you. How exciting! In case you didn't know, I'm like the Queen. We celebrate my birthday for a week, so it's not too late to get in on the festivities.
My title has nothing to do with Carter and Will. I just returned from an exciting basketball game where the Cats beat the #3 Vols. It was a beautiful thing to behold and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It's the first time in years that I didn't wear blue. I wore black. My cousin wore black. We joked about going to a funeral. In fact, at some point when I thought it was out of reach, I said "if we win this game, I'll come to the rest of the games in head to toe black." Let that be a lesson to you! Be careful what you say. But, really, I'd rather be wearing black to all the rest of the games than lose to Tennessee. I really want to call one of our friends, a UT alum and just say, "loser." But we should move on to all the kids.
Carter asked me today what I’d like for my birthday. I told him that I really just wanted a bunch of hugs and kisses. He was quiet for a moment and I thought he was disappointed with my answer. Then, he said “I know you want a bunch of hugs and kisses but I just don’t know how to wrap them.”
As we sat down to supper, Carter told me he wanted me to get my hair all cut off like a boy. I reacted dramatically which he loved and then I protested "but I'm a girl!" He cut me off and informed me "You can wear lipstick to look like a girl but have short hair like the boys!"
As supper drew to a close, Will was released from his high chair prison and allowed to climb up into my lap. After a few moments of pleasant conversation, or what Nathan calls ‘enjoying the family”, Will grabbed my fork and proceeded to make three indentations on our Pottery Barn table. I wasn’t too upset because this table has plenty of marks on it already. Nathan, however, was upset and I agreed that he needs to understand that waving a sharp object around and striking it onto any surface is not appropriate. At least not when you’re 5 days short of 18 months old. Some day he may be a lumber jack and these rules can then go up for review. Nathan smacked Will’s hand and it really wasn’t even hard. Still, Will’s face slowly clouded up and crying followed. Carter, who is probably going to get Brother of the Year said “Will, he didn’t do that because we don’t love you. We love you very much. We just need to teach you not to do bad things.” Will was still on my lap and Carter came over to my side and started rubbing Will’s head and reiterated his point, “We love you so much, Will.” I told Carter that he was such a good big brother and that he was going to be a good teacher for his little brother. At this point, Nathan must have felt badly because he commented, “I guess no one is going to notice those marks on the table.” Probably not. But every time I see them, I’ll remember the reason Carter's words.
Before Katie and I left for the game. Will sat down right next to her and worked his magic on her. She sat down right on the floor with Carter. Will got as close as he could to her and would just look up at her and smile the sweetest smile you've ever seen. Hook. Line. Sinker.
Since I’m an only chid, I asked Carter “What’s it like to have a little brother?” He smiled and said “It’s like games and playing and candy.” I never thought it would be _that_ good. No wonder he wants two more. His hints have at least become more subtle. As we watched a tv commercial this afternoon, Carter commented that they needed a van because they have 4 kids! I laughed and ‘reminded’ him “that’s what you want! FOUR kids!” He just giggled. Gotta go pray! (and get my heart back to a regular beating pattern after that game!)
It's been hard to write lately because by the time we get the boys in bed, I stumble, bleary eyed into the bed. Normally, I'm asleep before my head hits the pillow. But I had to write down some of the funny things going on.
First, there was this discussion with Carter. "Nancy, do you know about Crotty?" "Crotty? What's Crotty?" "You know...ha!-yah!" accentuate with leg kicking and arm chopping. I told him I know what it is, but I don't know how to do it. Why? "It's just cool."
Will is understanding a lot these days and can follow instructions, if he wants to. Nathan has found that if Will doesn't want to do something, he just acts like he doesn't know what we're talking about. However, if it's beneficial for his agenda, he suddenly understands. If you want him to put up a toy, he wonders around like we're speaking Hebrew. But, say "Will, would you like some candy? Go to the refrigerator." And he makes a beeline for the kitchen.
Nathan's parents gave us copies of his grandparents yearly Christmas letters, beginning in 1947. The very first one details how much havoc little 20 month old Ross (Doc) caused if not closely watched. All his misadventures sounded very similar to capers that have happened in this house featuring his two grandsons. Doesn't the Bible say in Exodus something about the sins of the father ? Notice it does not mention the sins of the mother.
Mainly, Carter has been campaigning for some more babies around this house. Last week, we were talking about how much he loves babies as I was changing Will's diaper. He said, "I love babies. We need another baby around here. But how are we going to get another one?" His lips pursed to the side and brows furrowed in concentration. He raised his index finger in the air and exclaimed "I know! I'll pray for another baby!" Then immediately "God, please give us two more babies. I just love babies." Startled by this quick turn of events, I shouted "Carter! TWO? I can barely handle you two, how will I handle two more?" He clasped his hands under his chin and pleaded "Pleeeaaaase. I really want two more." I told him that I was going to be forced to block his petition with one of my own requesting no more babies. He was highly offended that I wouldn't even consider his idea. After relating this shocking exchange to my mother, she laughed and said "I guess we'll see who is more righteous." I expect to be pregnant in the near future.
Just when I think the desire for more brothers has subsided, he slides it in the conversation. We were driving home from church and I said "Carter, I'm almost on board with the mini-van idea. They seem easier to get kids in and out of and bigger." "For the babies." I honestly thought he was referring to himself and Will, so I smiled and said "What babies?" "The babies I'm praying for." Nathan started laughing, showing some pride in his sons tenacity.
Tonight we helped Carter with his first homework assignment. It was an unfinished snowman that the family was to help decorate. I have difficulty handing over my artistic vision to a 4 year old and his father. Will was supposed to make snow flakes by dipping his finger into white paint and pressing it on the paper. He hated this job, though. He screamed and refused to push his finger down on the paper. So, he was washed up and escorted up to bed. Carter wanted to make the mouth out of coal but I'm not sure he really understands what coal is. That is astonishing for this girl from the coal fields of eastern KY. I can remember putting blocks of coal into our fire place and the sparks and the smell. But, we're talking about snowmen. Carter drew these enormous black circles for the coal mouth and made the carrot nose I'd made seem, well, not to scale. I kept mumbling my mantra "Carter's snowman. Not mine." He and his father started sticking some stickers all over it. More mantra. I sewed a red scarf on him and made a big, yellow hat. Carter asked for a feather in the hat, but since that looked like a pimp snowman, I managed to convince him that a flower was more like Frosty. Once my hat was done, flower and all, Carter said "Oh, that hat is lovely." Seriously. He said Lovely. Lovely is his new word of wonderfulness. Once we had finished, he declared the whole snowman lovely and we celebrated with some pie.
The best thing Carter said all day, was at lunch. I asked "Carter, my birthday is this week. What are you going to give me?" I expected it to be a firetruck or something super hero in nature. Instead, he got the most gorgeous look of playfulness; his eyes shone bright blue and literally twinkled, his dimples emerged and he peered up at me from his coloring and said "I can't tell you. It's secret." I wish I had a camera to capture it. It was the most beautiful I've ever seen him. Of course, he confessed he didn't really have anything for me and I laughed and told him all I wanted from him was hugs and kisses.
Well, gotta go pray.
