Birthdays

We are still celebrating Will's 2nd birthday which conveniently coincides with Nathan's 31st birthday. I think 2nd birthdays are my favorite. Will was just old enough to realize that it was a party but still too young to have expectations. Both added a digit to their tally on Sunday, July 27th. However, we had a birthday gathering for them on Friday. I have a strict rule that each child gets to have big odd numbered birthdays and even numbered birthdays are spent with discretion. Here's how strict I am: last year, when Carter turned 4, he got to invite one friend and his local cousins over for some cake and ice cream. No big deal. But you can't have 4 kids over and not have anything for them to do. So I turned to Nathan's brother who in turn transported two ponies to our house and gave everyone pony rides up and down the street. That was a low-key birthday at our house.

This year was no exception. Instead of just inviting over the local family for cupcakes and ice cream, we ended up with a full blown cook out. I insisted to my mother that even birthdays are small. She insisted to me that she would turn me in to social services with cold, hard evidence of my incompetence if I didn't "do something for that baby's birthday!" I repsonded "that's great for Nathan but what about Will?" Silence. She never has really appreciated my humor. I did, however, agree to have a "small gathering for local family." Mimi and Papa would be in town already. Mimi and Doc were free and could bring along cousins Grayson and Lane who were visiting them. Nathan's brother could pop in with his friend. Laid back. Casual. No stress.

That's when I decided I did, in fact, need more stress. I should make Will an Elmo cake. He really does like Elmo, so he should be pretty excited about it and it couldn't be that hard, right? Well, Ben Gates in National Treasure 1 and 2 did not have so much trouble as I did tracking down the Elmo cake pan that floats around the population of moms in our church. After 6 phone calls, two emails, and a wild goose chase, I finally pinned it down after holding a dollar bill in the sun, under a prism, and reading the secret message written in Dutch.

As I read the directions to bake and decorate Elmo, I started to feel like Nathan was getting left out. It was his birthday first. I should do something to equally and individually recognize him. I really didn't think another cake was going to work out because, well, it was a small gathering and we couldn't eat 2 cakes. He has always liked ice cream cakes and I figured I could just make one - minus more cake. I'm educated, I know how to Google, and seriously what's the worst that could happen? The worst that could happen is that your freezer is so stuffed with Kroger frozen vegetables that were on sale last week that you can't get the ice cream cake in the freezer to freeze into cake form. I had to do a lot of Japanese style folding of items to fit everything in, but the good news is the kids love brussel sprouts that resemble cranes flapping their wings.

Our little gathering was really starting to take shape. I learned from Ronald Reagan and my husband that delegation is essential. Let people do what they do best and don't micromanage. I delegated grilling hamburgers to one Mimi, potato salad to the other Mimi. I had Nathan making fruit salad and preparing hamburger toppings. Doc was helping out with side dishes. That left me free to do face painting! Yes, I said face painting. I didn't have ponies though!

Everything turned out great! Well, except that Will was slightly disturbed by a large, decapitated Elmo head on a platter. Cousin Lane declared it was the best birthday party he's ever been to. I don't think that was necessarily true, but when a 4 year old is having enough fun to comment on it, it makes this mom feel pretty accomplished.

Ode to a Minivan or My Odyssey to the Odyssey

After months, probably even years of resisting, the Honda Odyssey won me over. I barely even know how it happened. The minivan is a patient seducer. It really doesn't have to be assertive with its positive qualities, life will present you with enough experiences that you will begin to notice a minivan's functional beauty.

I was staunchly anti-minivan. I didn't feel superior to minivan owners, I just never grew up in a family wagon kind of house. As a child, I asked my father if we could get a station wagon. His response was quick and to the point, "No. I don't drive station wagons." I was small and didn't realize that as an only child, a station wagon was probably not all that essential. Furthermore, I had no idea that riding around in the leather clad comfort of Daddy's blue Cadillac Coupe de Ville was living the high life. I just thought that station wagons were neat. I mean, you could ride facing backward if you sat in the trunk area. I felt a certain solidarity with my old man when rejecting the early incarnations of minivans. When Carter first asked for a minivan, I told him what his Papa had said to me about station wagons, then added "Mama doesn't drive minivans."

Besides taking a cue from my dad, I never favored regular vans. They call them "conversion" vans. I have never discovered what they were converted from or to. These vehicles were a status symbol when I was in elementary school. I, however, found riding in them around the curves and hills of Eastern Kentucky mostly nauseating. They were dark and usually came with questionable art decorating the side. By using deductive reasoning I concluded that a mini version wouldn't be any better.

At some point in college, SUVs grew to prominence and I jumped on that bandwagon and held on tight. I liked what driving around in my Pathfinder said about me. This young woman is cool. She is au courant. If she had a black lab in the back, she'd even be a cliche. Unfortunately now, the SUV says gas guzzling idiot. And as my Pathfinder became older and older, and I was forced to realize a replacement was imminent; I looked at every option but a minivan. Highlander Hybrids. Pilots. Anything. Please anything but a minivan.

I was running scared. I knew minivan mom was inevitable but like Jonah ran from Ninevah and from God, I ran from the minivan. But, God has a funny way of curing a person of pride and vanity. My attitude shift honetly began when Nathan started looking for a new car for himself. We were test-driving a nice little European sedan and dropped in on our pastor who was recovering from knee surgery. He was convivial as always as we discussed vehicle selection and purchasing. I mentioned that I didn't really care what we got but no minivan. In his affable way, he asked "Can I ask you why it is you don't like minivans?" I was honest. I smiled and said, with no shame nor remorse, "vanity." His great, robust laughter supported his strong arm around my shoulders and he replied "oh, so you know it's pride!" It was in humor but it was potent.

He made me put a name on my attitude and as a result the scales fell from my eyes. First, it was the doors. On both sides, the doors slide back and without any effort. That sounds like laziness, but if you are trying to corral two boys in a parking lot with a cart full of groceries, it seems like your safest bet. The door opening is wide and I'm sure Little Will is going to appreciate not getting his head konked every third time I put him in his car seat.

The next thing was the amazing amount of room an Odyssey can create out of seemingly nowhere. A flip of a few switches and a tuck here and there and VOILA, you have no back row but an acre of cargo space. More space than the Pathfinder. My friend Kathy told me that if it's raining, she doesn't even bother to collapse the stroller, she just puts it in the back ready to roll! I was truly amazed. Again, that sounds like laziness but it's not. I don't know what it is, but it's not laziness.

Nathan's brother's both bought Odysseys for their families and my sisters- in- law raved about them. They talked about rear entertainment systems and headphones and sanity. Sanity? Really? Sanity? I am up for anything that brings sanity. I can use all of that stuff I can get. My friend Emily told me to just drink the minivan laced Kool-aid and forget all my reservations. She told me that I would never regret it.

After not being able to safely carpool Carter's friends because there was just no space in my SUV, I acquiesced. I want to be able to be helpful to friends. I want to be able to bring Carter's friends home with us sometimes. I wan to offer rides to church. I want Mimi and Papa to be able to ride in the same car with us when they visit and we go out together.

The last straw that broke my camel's back was my cousin. She listened sweetly and agreed to all my objections and even nodded to how it could actually be good to have one. She finally said, "it's not like you'd have to drive one forever. Your kids are only young for a little while and they get more and more involved in activities, so you're gonna need the space. And these aren't really like the old square boxes of bench seating. These new vans are luxurious and for all intents and purposes - rolling entertainment centers." She was mourning the loss of her own SUV and as they say, misery loves company. She was right, though. Leather interior. DVD player. Remote control doors. Satellite radio. Back-up cameras. All my defenses were down and I admitted to my husband that I'd been eyeing Odysseys as I drove around town. He laughed and agreed it was probably the best for our whole family.

Saturday, June 28, 2008, I became the proud owner of a blue, Honda Odyssey EX-L. It's almost the same color as my dad's first Cadillac. And now for it's best feature: I'm taking my dvd of Pride and Prejudice, a coca-cola, and a pillow out to the van, locking the doors, and enjoying the solitude. I was thinking of naming it Homer, but that name seemed too obvious and vapid. So, I'm thinking Penelope after Odysseus' wife. The minivan is surely a woman anyway, for she carries children around in her belly, she entertains them, and keeps them safe while showing them the world. But most importantly, she has the ability to hold their 15 cups.

How to Enjoy Your Kids

For a week, I have visited this page in vain. There was nothing worthwhile to write about. No one wants to hear about how many times Carter needed punishment nor how often Will whined. Our family has been having personality problems. Not just the little ones, but we big ones were acting out, too. It's amazing how little things add up and effect everyone in the house.

Carter repeatedly broke the rules and would justify himself by blaming us. He never quite grabbed on to the concept of accepting one's responsibility for one's actions. Mimi and Papa came to visit and Carter even blamed them for his sinful forays. He secretly took gum from Mimi's purse and left a pile of wrappers hidden in a corner. He snatched a bag of Teddy Grahams. And on and on. I couldn't remember the last day he hadn't been seriously disciplined.

Meanwhile, Will was causing his own brand of chaos. He has a painfully shrill shriek that emanates when anything does not measure up to his expectations. And trust me when I report that 80% of the day was not meeting his perceived needs. He would have moments of sweetness, of cuddling, and giggling, and saying incredible new words. But mostly, it was anger, shrieking, and dramatic episodes of flopping on the floor and burring his head under his hands.

The question is how does God give you patience? I've learned not to ask for it because the way to get it is kind of like the way of getting a baby. Through a lot of personal pain; there's a reason the phrase "the patience of Job" is so potent. Yet, I believe God was preparing us for something. I am secretly hoping that these last weeks have been a substitution for cranky teenage years. But, I know better. Maybe they are a foreshadowing, instead. I'm not sure. Nathan and I began with a calm approach, which turned into mild aggravation, then on to a simmering boil, and finally, bewildered numbness. We were out of ideas. Out of energy. And in the catatonic, 100 yard stare a still, small voice came to me. It's my fault. Well, not completely. But I had to take responsibility for my actions, too.

I started thinking why would Carter take foods out of the pantry? When we asked him he would just say "It's just so hard not to." For some reason, it hadn't hit me that if I feed him enough, he might not even think about what food was hanging around. He's growing a lot right now. He probably needs more food. And coincidentally, so is Will. I fed them a lot on Friday and even Nathan commented on how much food Will was eating. But he had to admit that both of them were in better moods and Carter didn't snitch any.

Another reason the boys might be acting out is they want our attention. So, we took them to the drive-in movie on Friday night. They loved it. Well, mostly Carter did. They both fell asleep in the back of the SUV cuddled up to each other, Carter with his arm over Will. I would have taken a picture but I was not anxious for a flash to wake them.

And the last reason, I figured out Saturday when none of us got a good night's sleep after being out at the drive in. Growing boys need more sleep. These growing boys aren't big on sleep. They might miss something fun and interesting. After a fun visit from Uncle Prentiss, Carter and Will both reached meltdown status. I forced them both to lie down with me for no less than 20 minutes. Will was out and actually drooling onto the pillow in two minutes flat. Carter took longer, but only about 8 minutes. He continued to sleep for 13 hours. Will woke up for about an hour and then went right back to bed. Everyone woke this morning with songs in our hearts. I heard Carter singing "If you're happy and you know it." I heard Nathan laughing with joy. I heard Will giggling in delight. It was nice to have my sweet boys back.

But hold on to your seats! There's more! Will fell asleep on the way home from church. Carter helped me finish up dinner preparation. The three of us ate together and Carter talked in a happy, charming way the whole time. He couldn't eat much because he talked so much. Nathan and I were enchanted once again. After the meal, the rest of us took a nap. Yes, Carter slept even more. Everyone slept some more. Everyone woke up with dancing this time. I purchased a new song for Carter on itunes and he, Will, and Nathan danced all around the living room.

In Sunday School this morning, we discussed suffering. One point was made that how can we truly enjoy and appreciate blessings without also knowing the experience of affliction. I don't know that I would necessarily call Carter's and Will's recent behavior afflictions, but they are more toward that end of the spectrum than the blessing. Which actually turns it into blessing; a blessing because after plunging to the depths, we have been lifted up to a new height.

I have taken solace over the last couple of weeks in gazing upon my hydrangea bush that Nathan gave me as an anniversary gift a few years ago. It is breathtaking this year. Full and colorful orbs of flowers, bowing the branches with their weight. Some clusters are blue, others are purplish, and a few even have a bit of pink. However, last year a late frost killed off the buds and not one single bloom emerged. It was just a green, leafy bush. Nothing to really enjoy. It was just sort of there. This year, I took no chances. When there was even a chance of a frost in late April and May, I covered them with my bedsheets. I wonder if I would have really appreciated the more than 20 blooms this year in the same euphoric way, if there hadn't been any last year.