Sometimes, I feel my emotions run the gamut in just a few hours. Maybe a few minutes. I think my housemates must think I've lost my mind. Rather, I used to think these things until today. Today it became crystal clear why my personality is sometimes all over the place. I was feeling happy and content because I was able to start off the day early by accomplishing some chores. A couple loads of laundry and finally getting all the dishes washed - even the big crystal salad bowl that sat at the end of the counter for a week patiently waiting it's turn in the soapy water. It always seemed there was something more critical to do. But not this morning. I was becoming giddy as I neared a kitchen with all clean dishes. Usually, Will tries to insinuate himself between me and the counter, whining and crying "mom-mom." But this time, he and Carter were off playing together and I just couldn't believe my fortune: thirty minutes of solid productivity!
Studying literature should tell you that, as the reader, you should start to look for the dark cloud on the horizon. For, as I wiped down the counters, I heard a wooden ball descend the staircase, a harbinger bouncing step by step into my world of peace. I heaved a sigh of irritation as I have told Carter and Will not to perform such experiments. Doesn't anyone listen to me? Don't I have a voice? I marched over to the bottom of the stair where I peered up and found a sweet looking pair smiling with delight. I reminded them that they shouldn't push toys down the stairs, nor leave any there - it's very dangerous. Will became excited and held his arms up, asking me to come get him. As I ascended the stairs, the whole scene unfolded like a cleverly written mystery novel. I didn't put all the clues together before the exciting denouement. There, parading from the guest room closet, was a string of toys, toy bins, cookie cutters, matchbox cars, and so forth. Had I not just completely cleaned every dish in the kitchen, I think I would have been angry. However, the residue of contentment lingered and I could only utter, "You better put all of these back before your daddy gets here for lunch." Here was my 4 year old's reply, "I didn't do it. Will did ALL this." Remember that residue? It was gone. I explained that I did not believe him, that Will could not get all the toys out by himself. Carter protested a little but decided that, even if what he was saying was true, he wasn't going to find any sympathizers. I turned and went back to the haven of my kitchen, trying to forget what I'd seen and heard. It's the only way to keep all my personalities fused.
I have been feeling voiceless, lately. It seems to me that what I say goes unheard by all the members of this house. I felt pretty sorry for myself until I saw little Will trying to tell me what he wanted this afternoon with his limited vocabulary. How frustrating to know what you want, to understand what other say to you, but no be able to communicate in response. He has many more words than Carter did at this age, and he loves to call all manner of things "Dawg." He uses his signs, "more" and "please." But, he sees the alacrity the others move through this world, how his older brother manages to get drinks and snacks with just using words and he must lead me into the kitchen and point into the pantry. "Would you like something to eat, Will?" He rubs his belly - "please." And while I can appreciate the sophistication of that kind of communication for my sweet little 18 month old, today, I couldn't help but appreciate his exasperation of his current situation. This whole world is big, confusing, fast, dangerous, intriguing, cold, hot, smelly, salty, sweet, different. How is he ever going to catch up? Why can't everyone figure out what he needs and wants? It is overwhelming to think about how children take in, process, and internalize information. It is nothing short of a miracle!
So, with that in mind, I will not mention the entire bowl of cereal overturned in the living room, the unfortunate vomiting incident, and the wrestling match which all took place before lunch. We'll just chalk them up to learning experiences.
P.S. I had a wonderful birthday! Carter gave me a card he made all by himself that was covered in "X" and "O". As he gave it to me, he said, "It's what you said you wanted." Then he fulfilled each one. _And_ he referred to me as the birthday girl for two days. My wonderful parents recounted for the umpteenth time what it was like that cold, snowy day I was born, and then took me out for bison burgers in the middle of a UK basketball game! UK won! And every gift from Nathan is like winning the lottery - you can either take the gift or the cash option. It's up to you. How exciting! In case you didn't know, I'm like the Queen. We celebrate my birthday for a week, so it's not too late to get in on the festivities.
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